I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
