On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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