I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
