I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you told grandpa to call you daddy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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