I wish I could punch you in the face.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
