That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
