Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I believe in your delicious
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
