The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
