we're chasing vodka with high fives
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
