please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
