I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
This is the high leading the old right now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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