today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my poor anus
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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