I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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