It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
