very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
