I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
