I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
