ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
