bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
