you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
