dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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