I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
