If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
