my mouth tastes like poor choices
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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