Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
