Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
COCAINE IS GR8
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
