hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
