She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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