This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
