We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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