butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
