I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
