I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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