Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ambien. No doubt about it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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