Im at strip club and am horny
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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