omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
