Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
