3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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