ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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