The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
