We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
