Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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