man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
