Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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