my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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