you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
