I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
