It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
