Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
