I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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