Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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