my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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