The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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