got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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