spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
