I think I am morally bankrupt
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am one with the molecules
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
