walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
