Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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